Tonight I went to dinner with a friend who is also the mama
to a rambunctious toddler and our conversation turned to children in the
church. As the daughter of a Presbyterian pastor, I have spent my entire life
in the church. Essentially the moment I was born, I was connected to the
church. I value being part of a faith community and know firsthand what a
positive influence being connected to a church can have. I also know that our
churches are made up of members with different lived experiences, different viewpoints,
and different causes in the church that we are passionate about, but with those
differences, it is important to remember we are all there for the same
foundational reason- to worship and celebrate God.
Now in my 30s, and as a mama to a little one, I view church
and the faith community in a totally different way than I did when I was a
child, teenager, and young adult. As a child, I was amazed by the bible stories
and the lessons we learned each week in church. As a teenager, I was able to
ask questions to learn more about my own faith journey and build relationships
through participating in youth group and creative ministry. As a young adult, I
spent time away from the church because I was trying to grow on my own and
because of negative experiences that lingered and impacted my willingness to be
part of a church. As an adult, the importance of church and a faith community
for me at this point in my life focuses on not only my own relationship with
God but also establishing a strong foundation of faith for Andrew.
For years I have heard people talk about how the church is
changing. How the church needs to adapt and be more inclusive. How young
families and their children are the future of the church. But if we really stop
and evaluate our congregations, or if we think about how we react when a
toddler acts like a toddler in church, a newborn cries during the sermon, or a
middle school youth passes a note to another youth during service, are we truly
welcoming and supportive of families? Are we creating and sustaining
environments that will retain this future generation of our church?
Our churches currently have a generation of parents where
the majority of households see both parents working 40-60+ hours a week outside
of the home. For many of us, the one to two hours we spend at church on Sunday
mornings or on Wednesday nights are some of the few precious hours that we have
with our children throughout the week. On Wednesday nights in particular, I am
weary and burdened and am looking for rest through my church community. Part of
that includes allowing my child to enjoy dinner and then spend time in
fellowship with other children. This type of fellowship looks different than the fellowship of adults and may mean that we give our children time to be children.
I cherish the moments I get to have with my child on Sundays
and Wednesdays and even though I know we have amazing workers in our church
nursery, I want to spend all the time I can with my child, which may mean
having him with me in the worship service. When I think about developing that
foundation for faith for Andrew, I look at my Sunday mornings with him in
worship as being precious for three reasons. First, taking Andrew to church and
keeping him in worship is helping to teach him that to our family church, God,
and faith are important. Second, staying in worship until it is time for
Children’s Church (or to go to the nursery) teaches him structure and that
there is a time where we worship together and a time for individual worship.
Three, being in church with other families, young children, youth, and adults
of all ages, shows him that faith truly is a community and reminds me as a
parent of the vow our congregation made to nurture and raise him in faith
during his baptism.
When Andrew acts like a toddler in church, makes noise, or
cries, I do cringe. It is the natural reaction of any parent, especially during
a prayer or the sermon. But I have to stop and remind myself that especially
when they are little (and they are only little for small amount of time) the
only way in which our children can express their spiritual gifts from God are
through crying, making noise, or movement. So while it may be a distraction, I
look at those moments as Andrew being present with God in his own little way,
using the version of his spiritual gifts that he currently has. Everyone
expresses spiritual gifts in different ways and we need to remember our
children have special ways of expressing theirs.
Too often I think we forget the story of the little children
and Jesus when we get stuck in the structure and traditions of our
congregations and our worship services. In the bible story, people were
bringing children to Jesus to be blessed and the disciples got upset because
they felt as though Jesus was being bothered (similar to how we may feel our
congregation or God is bothered when our children make noise or act like
children during church). Instead of agreeing with the disciples’ perspective on
the situation, Jesus tells them, “Let the little children come to me, and do
not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell
you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will
never enter it.”
So this is my challenge for congregations and church
members: think about what you are doing, what you are saying, and how you are
judging parents and children in the church. As a parent, we are doing the best
that we can in a generation with work responsibilities different than many
previous generations. We are in your pews on Sundays and at your tables on
Wednesdays because we want our children to be raised in a faith community. More
importantly, we want our children to be raised and included in a faith
community that will accept them and love them for who they are at each and
every stage of their lives- even the stages where they run around, cry, and
make noise, because that is how they develop fellowship and share their
spiritual gifts. I hope that as Christians we can be like Jesus and encourage
our children to come to us (and our churches) and that we will not hinder them
from being children, because the kingdom of God belongs to even the littlest of
the children in our congregations.
