I really didn't think I would post on this blog after my Semester at Sea experience was over but after attending an event on campus tonight I have a lot of my mind and need an outlet to process and figured this was the best place to do it. Tonight we had The Dream Share Project back on campus to present their documentary to our students and host a workshop with them after the documentary to help them start thinking about their dreams, how their dreams relate to their careers, and what they can start doing today to accomplish those dreams. When they came to campus back in April I was really excited because in two short months I would be embarking on one of my career dreams by working for Semester at Sea so I was excited by their presentation and ready to follow one of my dreams. The experience I'm having tonight though is quite different than the one I had in April.
Adjusting back to my land campus had been incredibly difficult over the past two months. Going from having such a tight knit group of people that I was living, working, and playing with to all of a sudden not having the same community and people that I care so much being so far away was really hard. And not waking up seeing the ocean or knowing that I'm going to be exploring a new place soon was also really hard. I also didn't have the words or ways to explain to my co-workers, friends, and family why I was struggling so much. I don't think anyone but the people you spent time with on the MV Explorer can really understand what you go through both on the ship and once you get home. I can tell you there were a lot of tears, a little bit of anger, depression, and the constant feeling of wanting to run away...but would I trade having those emotions after I left for not ever going on the ship? Absolutely not. It has taken two months, but I think I'm finally figuring out how to walk on land again which is a good thing. There are less tears, less moments of wanting to run away, and I'm starting to figure out my place back at home again.
But what about my dreams? What are my dreams? What do I want out of my life? Those are some of the questions that myself and the students sitting in the presentation tonight were forced to think about. If you've read my blog before, or if you know me, you will be well aware of the fact that I am a planner. I like order, structure, and knowing what I'm going to be doing for the next week, month, or even year if I can figure that out. You would think that with me being such a planner, I would know exactly what I want to do with my life and you may even think that I have this perfect plan laid out with each step along the way figured out. Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing with my life or where I might end up. I know that I love my job right now and love the university that I work for. I also know that I love student affairs and the moments of education and development that I get to have with the students I work with. The hard reality is though that there are some days when I think there is something missing and something more that I should be doing with my life, I just don't know what it is. Could I spend the rest of my life working in Student Affairs? Absolutely. Would I be happy? Probably. Is there the chance that I might always feel like something is missing? Yes.
If I stop and think about what my dreams are without looking at the path I've taken or thinking about where I am in my career right now, I'm a little scared. Why? Because I don't know if I will ever really be able to live out my dreams fully and because if I did it would mean a major life change and a potential career change. My dream is to travel. And yes, I know a lot of people say this is one of their life goals or dreams, but at 27 I know this isn't just some fleeting thought of I want to travel so I can be a tourist and go drink in a 100 different countries, I actually want to go out and see the world. I want to meet people who come from such different backgrounds from me. I want to go out and make a difference in the world and touch peoples lives. I want to be able to have educational moments with people in different countries and help people realize that no matter what their circumstance is or where they come from that they are loved, they are worthy, and they can follow any dream that they have. I just want to pack up my things, head out, and go make a difference. Maybe I could do this traveling from place to place, or maybe its by moving to another country and finding a job that I can make a difference in and immersing myself into that new country. I don't know I'm called to do, but I just have this feeling deep in my gut that at some point in my life, I'm meant to be somewhere else besides the United States building community elsewhere. Its a scary thought not knowing and to think that I might, at some point, just completely uproot and head somewhere else.
So what is holding me back? What is the challenge that so many of us face with dreams...and especially start facing when we start to get older. Life. Reality. Money. I've spent so much time on my education and getting myself to where I am right now in my career. I feel like I've invested so much into being a student affairs professional (which again I do really love) that right now I can't see my life without somehow being in higher ed. I also feel as though I still have lots to accomplish in my current job and I wouldn't want to leave things unfinished or before I'm ready to leave a community (I've done that enough throughout my career path that I don't want to do it again). I also am not spontaneous, so the reality of my situation is that I could never actually just pack up and leave. I'd need time to plan...though as we learned from Semester at Sea, not so much time that I start to obsess over all the little details. But the biggest factor of all is money. Right now, especially after this summer, I pretty much have none and it takes quite a bit of money to travel or to pick up and move somewhere very different and potentially far away. Student Affairs is also a field that isn't going to get you rich quick...or potentially ever, so that is also a hurdle if I were looking to save for my dream. And then there is the reality of the fact that like most Americans, I have debt. I'm sitting on $40,000 of school loans that even with my $500 payments a month, don't ever seem to move from being at $40,000 and I have a car loan and other responsibilities that I have to be able to pay for. If you took away my school debt, I could easily have the money saved in a year that I would need to at least get started on my dream, but again, the realistic situation is that my loans aren't going away anytime soon.
One thing we tend to be really good at, is making excuses. We are amazing at coming up with all the reasons why we can't do something. Hell, I just spent a large paragraph just hitting a few of the reasons why I can't even begin to think about pursuing my dreams (and I could probably give you 100 more if you wanted them). We set up barriers or walls so that we never actually have to make ourselves vulnerable by putting ourselves out there and following through on our dreams. Honestly, that is probably the reason why most people are unhappy with their lives and their jobs...they make the excuses so that they never have to go after the things they really want to. Why do we do this? I think it is because we are so afraid of failure. We have been raised in a culture that taught us not to fail and that everyone is a winner. With that type of environment failure becomes 1000 times worse and none of us want to experience that feeling or admit to ourselves and our loved ones that we didn't do what we said we would...that our dreams weren't achievable. Stop for a minute and just think about how different the world would be if we all put 100% into our dreams and broke down those walls? It would be an incredible place full of pretty happy people if I had to guess.
I know I'm not getting any younger so if I really want to pursue my dreams I need to start making some sort of plan now. It doesn't have to have all the details, but I need to make the first step and start taking down those walls and barriers that I've managed to put up to keep me from doing what I want to do with my life. And if I decide that I really can't go after my dreams, then I need to find a way to incorporate parts of my dreams into what I can do with my life. How, I don't know, but I know I have to in order to be happy. And if you haven't taken time to really sit down and think about your life and what your dreams are, then you really should because you do only live once and just like me, you aren't getting any younger :)
Adjusting back to my land campus had been incredibly difficult over the past two months. Going from having such a tight knit group of people that I was living, working, and playing with to all of a sudden not having the same community and people that I care so much being so far away was really hard. And not waking up seeing the ocean or knowing that I'm going to be exploring a new place soon was also really hard. I also didn't have the words or ways to explain to my co-workers, friends, and family why I was struggling so much. I don't think anyone but the people you spent time with on the MV Explorer can really understand what you go through both on the ship and once you get home. I can tell you there were a lot of tears, a little bit of anger, depression, and the constant feeling of wanting to run away...but would I trade having those emotions after I left for not ever going on the ship? Absolutely not. It has taken two months, but I think I'm finally figuring out how to walk on land again which is a good thing. There are less tears, less moments of wanting to run away, and I'm starting to figure out my place back at home again.
But what about my dreams? What are my dreams? What do I want out of my life? Those are some of the questions that myself and the students sitting in the presentation tonight were forced to think about. If you've read my blog before, or if you know me, you will be well aware of the fact that I am a planner. I like order, structure, and knowing what I'm going to be doing for the next week, month, or even year if I can figure that out. You would think that with me being such a planner, I would know exactly what I want to do with my life and you may even think that I have this perfect plan laid out with each step along the way figured out. Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing with my life or where I might end up. I know that I love my job right now and love the university that I work for. I also know that I love student affairs and the moments of education and development that I get to have with the students I work with. The hard reality is though that there are some days when I think there is something missing and something more that I should be doing with my life, I just don't know what it is. Could I spend the rest of my life working in Student Affairs? Absolutely. Would I be happy? Probably. Is there the chance that I might always feel like something is missing? Yes.
If I stop and think about what my dreams are without looking at the path I've taken or thinking about where I am in my career right now, I'm a little scared. Why? Because I don't know if I will ever really be able to live out my dreams fully and because if I did it would mean a major life change and a potential career change. My dream is to travel. And yes, I know a lot of people say this is one of their life goals or dreams, but at 27 I know this isn't just some fleeting thought of I want to travel so I can be a tourist and go drink in a 100 different countries, I actually want to go out and see the world. I want to meet people who come from such different backgrounds from me. I want to go out and make a difference in the world and touch peoples lives. I want to be able to have educational moments with people in different countries and help people realize that no matter what their circumstance is or where they come from that they are loved, they are worthy, and they can follow any dream that they have. I just want to pack up my things, head out, and go make a difference. Maybe I could do this traveling from place to place, or maybe its by moving to another country and finding a job that I can make a difference in and immersing myself into that new country. I don't know I'm called to do, but I just have this feeling deep in my gut that at some point in my life, I'm meant to be somewhere else besides the United States building community elsewhere. Its a scary thought not knowing and to think that I might, at some point, just completely uproot and head somewhere else.
So what is holding me back? What is the challenge that so many of us face with dreams...and especially start facing when we start to get older. Life. Reality. Money. I've spent so much time on my education and getting myself to where I am right now in my career. I feel like I've invested so much into being a student affairs professional (which again I do really love) that right now I can't see my life without somehow being in higher ed. I also feel as though I still have lots to accomplish in my current job and I wouldn't want to leave things unfinished or before I'm ready to leave a community (I've done that enough throughout my career path that I don't want to do it again). I also am not spontaneous, so the reality of my situation is that I could never actually just pack up and leave. I'd need time to plan...though as we learned from Semester at Sea, not so much time that I start to obsess over all the little details. But the biggest factor of all is money. Right now, especially after this summer, I pretty much have none and it takes quite a bit of money to travel or to pick up and move somewhere very different and potentially far away. Student Affairs is also a field that isn't going to get you rich quick...or potentially ever, so that is also a hurdle if I were looking to save for my dream. And then there is the reality of the fact that like most Americans, I have debt. I'm sitting on $40,000 of school loans that even with my $500 payments a month, don't ever seem to move from being at $40,000 and I have a car loan and other responsibilities that I have to be able to pay for. If you took away my school debt, I could easily have the money saved in a year that I would need to at least get started on my dream, but again, the realistic situation is that my loans aren't going away anytime soon.
One thing we tend to be really good at, is making excuses. We are amazing at coming up with all the reasons why we can't do something. Hell, I just spent a large paragraph just hitting a few of the reasons why I can't even begin to think about pursuing my dreams (and I could probably give you 100 more if you wanted them). We set up barriers or walls so that we never actually have to make ourselves vulnerable by putting ourselves out there and following through on our dreams. Honestly, that is probably the reason why most people are unhappy with their lives and their jobs...they make the excuses so that they never have to go after the things they really want to. Why do we do this? I think it is because we are so afraid of failure. We have been raised in a culture that taught us not to fail and that everyone is a winner. With that type of environment failure becomes 1000 times worse and none of us want to experience that feeling or admit to ourselves and our loved ones that we didn't do what we said we would...that our dreams weren't achievable. Stop for a minute and just think about how different the world would be if we all put 100% into our dreams and broke down those walls? It would be an incredible place full of pretty happy people if I had to guess.
I know I'm not getting any younger so if I really want to pursue my dreams I need to start making some sort of plan now. It doesn't have to have all the details, but I need to make the first step and start taking down those walls and barriers that I've managed to put up to keep me from doing what I want to do with my life. And if I decide that I really can't go after my dreams, then I need to find a way to incorporate parts of my dreams into what I can do with my life. How, I don't know, but I know I have to in order to be happy. And if you haven't taken time to really sit down and think about your life and what your dreams are, then you really should because you do only live once and just like me, you aren't getting any younger :)
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